Part One
It began with a moment of clarity, followed by confusion. The boy jumped headlong into his dream. Was this a nightmare? It was too far along to tell now and it seemed almost inescapable.
The road lengthened out before him. He didn’t know what to express or how to express it. Which one is the more important? He asked himself this question too few times and now he regretted this sin of omission.
The rain seemed to have stopped for the time being. He pulled over in his mind and asked for directions. In reality he knew that he was being led there by desire. Desire…it seemed so foreign and so unconscious. He has sacrificed so much in his life that he didn’t know any longer. When was the last time he decided something for himself that didn’t seem selfish. He was trapped in a circle of his own making…so many things left unfinished…would this be another one?
A blue light startled Paul out of his thoughts. Gazing in the rearview he saw a police car that pulled him over. A tall, awkward man stepped out of the cruiser and walked up to his pick-up. Paul glanced at the digital in the dash. 4:35 AM.
“License and registration sir.” A young voice said as Paul rolled down his window. Paul fumbled through the glove-box and handed out the stained registration card and his ID. The officer furrowed his brow as he scanned the documents.
“Where ya headed?”
“Just over the Concord to meet my dad. Been on the road straight for 12 hours or so.”
Paul thought that this would be enough. He strained to think of what he had done. Time seemed so blurry. He rubbed his eyes and looked back up. The fog shrouded the officer in a recognizable way. A rumble could be heard in the distance.
“You were swerving into the other lane.” The officer looked closely down and around the interior. “Been following you for about 5 miles now. Concord’s about two hours from here. But there’s a town 10 miles ahead…You should stop for the night. You seem a bit tired, Mr. Edwards.”
“I appreciate your concern. I’ll do that.” Paul said in a measured breath. And with a wary glance, the officer walked unhurriedly back to his car and drove off.
Shouldn’t have taken that pill. Meds make you do crazy things. Paul thought as he restarted his car and pulled back onto the road. He was tired and the lines in his face showed his age and exhaustion. He was on a mission though, and no one would stop him. The rain started again. Pattering on the pane of glass, Paul turned on his wipers and settled again into his trance.
After a few more miles, the desolate feeling combined with knowledge of the coming dawn. He sped up. The radio muttered a droning late-night talk show that provided background static for his mind. The rain tapered off again.
Was he going to go through with it? Paul’s relationship with his father had been a troubled one. Divorced when he was five, his parents agreed out of court that his mother would have custody. His father, a stern man, was on a diverging path—especially after the affair became obvious. Paul was only able to see his dad on the weekends in the summer and the visits became fewer and fewer. And eventually stopped altogether. That was about ten years ago…
Part Two
The truck sped along. Thoughts of his wife emerged with the horizon of black-top that the halogen bulbs alighted. Glistening hair in the sunlight, hazel eyes, supple curves, and a deafening smile. Years ago, they had picnicked on an overlook on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Chicken, biscuits, greasy chips, soda. And then they had laid out on a blanket talking the afternoon away about the details of life both frivolous and serious. They discussed authors and children… music and family…lies and life. Now this only seemed to be a painful thorn twisting in his side.
Paul looked askance at the passenger seat. How did he know that he would someday have the same marital fate as his father? The divorce papers were only a few weeks old and laying on top of his pack. He had read them after a quick dinner of biscuits and chicken a few hours before. There was a grease stain on the bottom right corner of the top sheet. Each time he read them, he wondered nearly aloud… Who was responsible? Was it me? Was it her? What in the hell went wrong? Had it all been an accident? In the end, Paul came to the same dead end truth or rationalization…they were on divergent paths and this truly was for the best. Has these been his father’s thoughts as well? He wanted… he had to know.
The road took a sharp right turn and Paul’s eyes and thoughts came again to focus on the road before him. The rain again began to mist on the windshield. Paul rubbed his eyes and flicked on the wipers. He cursed under his breath and wished that the weather would make up its mind and be either a downpour or dry.
“Pick one or the other!” Paul said to himself. He took a quick swig of his water from his Nalgene bottle. His hand shook in a nervous twitch. He wondered how much longer it would take to get there. He decided it was asinine to stop now as the officer had suggested. He couldn’t stop now. There were lights ahead.
He drove through the town that had long since fallen asleep. He was certain to stay between the lines and below the speed limit as he navigated through rural municipality. The denizens probably had encountered similar problems. Why should he feel he was only one? Paul felt quiet guilt creep…
…to be continued…